In My Life

29 years ago today my dad died.  I hadnt properly thought about him in a little while but for some reason a Beatles tune popped into my head while I was cooking tea.  This particular tune reminded me of him - though I dont know if he liked the Beatles - I was only eight when he passed away so we hadnt gotten to the 'sharing musical tastes' phase that a lot of parents and their children are privileged enough to experience. 

I cried some happy tears (brought on by both the tune and the loving memories that it had evoked) and I phoned my mum. 

We talked about how the pain of loss never really goes away yet the way you react to it changes over time.  She told me that she can now enjoy the memories she has of dad though for a long time she found it too upsetting to go over - even the pleasant things. 

I know that for a long time, as a younger adult, the loss of him made me incredibly angry.  And - as a person who can usually think of a way around pretty much any obstacles I encounter - I would get terribly frustrated when I realised that nothing I could ever say, do or achieve could ever bring him back.

Dad has now been gone for more than three times as long as he was in my life so my memories are mostly sketchy or hazy.  I cant really remember his face or what his voice sounded like but I can still feel the love that I have for him as fresh as if I just spoke to him this morning. 
What a remarkable thing love is - it is inexhaustible and indefatigable.

"There are places I remember all my life 
though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments 
with lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life Ive loved them all"

Thanks for indulging me with this one peeps
Goodnight all xx